Meet the band
Vocals
Name; Hampton Cummings
Age; Classified
Likes; Meat pies, Broon Ale, Singing, Birds, Bingo.
Dislikes; Bad meat pies, Warm Broon Ale, Not being allowed to sing, Birds that were once blokes.
Shops at; Iceland
Attributes; Probably the greatest singer the world has ever known
Distinguishing features; Silver hair, Gold lame suit
M.C & Spoons
Name; Albert Charlton
Age; Young at heart
Shops at; Netto
Likes; Working with the Turn, playing the spoons
Dislikes; Anyone who interrupts the Turn or his part of the show
Attributes; The worlds formost expert on the spoons, reknowned M.C. and rapper
Distinguishing features; Flat cap and silver spoons
Backing vocals & Drums
Name; Ronnie Rev
Age; As old as the woman he feels
Shops at; Aldi
Likes; Playing the drums, mineral water
Dislikes; Booze and crap drummers
Attributes; Reformed preacher and ace drummer
Distinguishing features; Sober
Backing vocals & lead guitar
Name; Guitar "Grumps" Hicks
Age; Is a problem I will have to deal with when it arrives
Shops at; ASDA
Likes; Arguing with any one about anything
Dislikes; People who won't argue with him
Attributes; Once said please before he asked someone to shut up
Distinguishing features; Never says sorry
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Meet the band
Keyboard and backing vocals
Name; Dave "Foggy" Stevens
Age; Physically 45, mentally 7
Shops at; Oxfam
Likes; Demonstrating his prowess on his organ
Dislikes; Organist J "Kilty" Burns
Attributes; Claims to have the biggest
organ in the Northern hemesphere
Distinguishing features; Large hands
Organ and backing vocals
Name; J "Kilty" Burns
Age; Canny for a lad
Shops at; Kwik Save
Likes; Playing his organ in public
Dislikes; Dave "Foggy" Stevens
Attributes; Also claims to have the biggest
organ in the Northern hemesphere
Distinguishing features; Equally large hands
Bass guitar & backing vocals
Name; Peter "Gravel" Fry
Age; 2 years younger than Albert Charlton
Shops at; Everythings a pound
Likes; Eating
Dislikes; People who are on a diet
Attributes; Can get arrested anywhere
Distinguishing features; Has that "lived in" look
The Rhythm Bandits are the resident
house band at the Whitley Bay Social
Club and often provide backing for visiting artists, usually for beer and tabs.
They also regularly back Star Turn when
he tours Gateshead and the North east and
have performeed with international stars
like El Dicko from Spain.
The Rhythm Bandits allegedly split in 1991
over musical differences however this was not
the case.It is believed that managers &
solicitors Hadaway & Shiteman were playing
one band member off against another. The
final straw on the camels back came
when the Bandits found out that Hampton
was being paid in real money and not in
beer and tabs as per the alleged contract.
This caused arguements and a great deal
of blame was placed on the quiff of Star
Turn, He tried to explain that he had
different needs to the band and a matching
lavish lifestyle to maintain.
The problem escalated when band members found out about the Turn's second palatial abode at Waldridge Fell now known as Turn's Kabin.
It is believed to have once been used by local security guards on night shift.
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