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Intro and "Are you affiliated"
Screams from the crowd and drum roll
Albert; Settle down, settle down. Have we got a show for you tonight here at the Whitley Bay Social Club. International party night, performing tonight in alphabetical order, we've got from Italy, The Three Turns, from Spain The Los Del Rio's and from America Hoolio and the Gangsta's and The Foogies, our own Hangin Hanna from Germany and Mrs Patel's lodger The Magic Indian and his electric saw, and from the U.K. we proudly present The Blur's, The Oasis's and the Bandits and not forgettin the Wets, the Cures, the top of the bill, the bingo, the raffle, the meat pies and your very own Star Turn!
Screams from the audience, Star Turn sings!
My mind is like a fruit machine
spinning round.
There are two plumbs on the bandit
lend me a pound.
Jackpot, jackpot
When I try to join the club of life
they always shut the door.
The little man want's my members card
and the plumbs come round once more
(Crowd; Whooooooo)
Chorus
Are you affiliated
let me in , let me in.
Are you affil-e-a-ted
let me in , let me in.
I'm always early
but theres someone in my seat.
(Heckler;"They'r only here for the bingo")
I'm sweating on a number
but i'm out there in the street.
House called, house called
The walls only here my cry
I'm living under stress.
(Heckler; "Give it some melody man")
The only way to get in this place
is I must adjust my dress.
Are you affiliated
Let me in , let me in.
Are you affil-e-a-ted
let me in, let me in.
Albert; rapping
Son yer not affiliayed, you can not come in!
Ah knaa, ah knaa.
Son yer not affiliated, you can not come in!
Ah knaa, ah knaa.
Star Turn sings
Ah-let me in, let me in, let me in, let me iiiiinnnn
Are you affiliated
Let me in, let me in
Are you affil-e-a-ted
Let me in, let me in
The Bandits sing
He's not affiliated
Throw him off, throw him off.
Star Turn; Oh let me in, oh let me iiiinnnnn
He's not affiliated
Throw him off throw him off.
Oh let me in, oh let me iiiinnnnn
He's not affiliated
Throw him off throw him off.
Oh let me in, oh let me iiiinnnnn
He's not affiliated.
Star Turn; I love you all
Albert; Settle down. Shhhhhhh, can we dim the lights, get a bit of atmosphere in here. We've got a special act that's just flown in from Italy (Crowd; Whoooooo) for the high brows, ah want to get them on early cos they've been at the bar for the last three hours, (Laughter) The Three Turns
The Three Turns sing
Oh Gilanota, me me me me me
Gilanota.
Disharee forfesake,
(Albert; Shhh, Best of order please)
Ah peearolie,
(Albert; Gi the lads a chance)
Spaghetti bollignaise-ah,
(Albert; They're not used to the beer, order)
Ahwith a salt on.
Albert; "I'm sorry lads! it's not working. Ah'l have to pay ya off, do you want to here it in English? Well here's Star Turn
Star Turn sings
I couldn't sleep a wink last night
my neighbour's drink too much
and start to fight,
and the dog's outside keep barking
and cars keep parking over my lawn
Albert; Let's here it for Star Turn. Ahh it's wonderful to have a bit of culture in the club again and a great pleasure to work with an ex merchant seaman.
Turns in the background sing: In the dark, inthe dark.
Albert; Hey! Ah thought ah told you three tubs of lard to bugger off? Let's have another chorus from Star Turn.
I couldn't sleep a wink last night
my neighbour's drink too much
and start to fight all through the night,
ah-the roof was leaking,
the back door squeaking
right until dawn.
Till the dahahahahahwn
(Albert interupts the Turn; Ladies and Gentlemen)
Till the dahahahahahwn
Albert; The greatest singer the world has ever known! Star Turn, and he's a personal friend
Albert; Ladies and Gentlemen, Star Turn and if you think he's good now! wait till he's had a few pints!
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